All the king's horses and all the king's men,

couldn't put me back together again. - All the king's men

How shattered I am,

scattered fragments all around, 

not one culprit to blame, 

for all is my fault,

naivety at its best. 

I'm struggling with the phantom of myself as I am writing this post. Everything is overwhelming. Everything seems to collide with each other for no reason when everything is supposed to run in its tracks accordingly. 

They say, writing helps to ease the uneasiness kept inside, I wonder why my fingers are like dancing sticks, awkward on the pads. 

I slept at 0100 and woke up around 0415 to the barking of dogs. I'm no avid dog lover, but I know what whimpering sounds like and among those barks I swear one was whimpering as if begging for the others to stop. To stop what, I didn't know at the moment. An hour crept by and the barking persisted. I got out of bed to quench my own thirst. If they persisted, I might as well drink on behalf of them. As I walked out of my room, I realized that the barking was even louder as if it's outside my door and then it hit me. On the first floor was a box with a mother cat and her 4 kittens. Basic common sense; dog + cat = most of the times disastrous. I didn't think twice, I opened the door to a scene that haunts me till this moment. Three dogs, adolescents, one with a kitten in it's jaws, one whimpering behind and the other with a kitten near it's maw. Didn't take me much time until I was chasing after them. Those cute little kittens, one with its little intestine trailing out the wound. I picked them up and put them back in the box, found their mom and brought them up to the 2nd floor. The mother didn't want to be near the wounded one, what else could I do except watch. I went back to my room. I was sleepless. Up until now. I managed some chores but that nagging feeling inside, those 'ifs' , What if I checked on them earlier, what if I followed my instincts sooner, than the kitten might have a longer life. But it happened, and the kitten died. 

I'm stressed over a kitten. Overwhelmed by a kitten. A kitten that could be my own. Sigh.